Amusement

Okay, it’s been a week and a half since my time off work and boy was it worth it.  I went out partying.. played lots of games and just generally chilled out and enjoyed the nice weather that week.  I feel so much better for it and feel more happier and laidback as a result, even at work.  Add to that a few things just have made me feel so amused and got me laughing because things felt so ridiculous or amazing or both. These moments have brightened up my day and managed to keep it with me for longer than that moment existed, keeping it for days on end, keeping the mementos with me to remind me too.

I’ve come across some songs on the radio that just help my mood too.. so carefree, sexy, hilarious, funky, rocking and all that.  I can’t help but sing along, mosh, piss myself laughing all at the same time whilst the songs are on, and add driving to that equation!!!

Here’s the songs

Ida Maria - I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked
Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl
Madcon - Beggin’

There’s an honourable mention for The Verve just because I think’s a brilliant song and this cover of Coldplay - Violet Hill.  Oh oh and this one..

Butterflies and Hurricanes

My time is now…. I’m off work for a week and a bit and it’s my time… to fully enjoy myself

Digital Isolation

I’ve been quiet for a fortnight, trying to muddle my way through things, not being able to cut through with the sort of zest I wished I had.  There’s been tears, and plenty of it, no longer willing to hold in emotions that poison me.  It feels like I’ve been deserted lately, despite the fact I was out with a friend the week before last and out for a curry after work on the friday just gone by (okay, that was because a work colleague was moving onto pastures new).

Google Talk has no contacts online, neither does Yahoo! Messenger.  They are the IM programs I leave open for my fellow bloggers, I’m tempted to pull them off my PC because nobody is there.  As for my other IM programs, there are some but I feels like I’m ignored, I say hello and I get nothing back.  I go onto the chat rooms, seeking out new people to converse with and again I’m snubbed with silence.  They can’t see my body language that skulks with low self-esteem but it’s like they can feel it through the ether.  It has been really bugging me this week.  I feel quite isolated as it stands and this on top of things unsettles me greatly.

It’s not all doom and gloom I guess (I keep writing lists of all the good and the bad, doesn’t seem as bad as I sometimes make out to myself), I’ve got my birthday week coming up and I’ve already indulged in some retail therapy ahead of it and there’s more to come.  I’m determined to have it large this birthday and pretty much leaving my plans loose (aside from one thing), I’ve got a car, fuel paid for by work and see where the good weather lies day by day and we’ll go there.  I hope the online thing is just a blip.

Below the break is a song I thought was kinda apt for me, when I picked up on the lyrics.

Belated Blogday

I missed my own 2nd blogday.. it was on the 4th of June…

Oh well.. Happy belated blogday to me

Trying to break through

I’ve been silent for quite a while, and only today I’ve just gotten an email off Adult Blog Hub to say that I haven’t submitted a post for 31 days so I guess it’s time to end my silence.

The past month has been eventful, and has and still has me all over the place.  It’s not a good time and it did get to the stage where I wished I was no more.

However, an instinct within me kicked in and it feels like I’m getting somewhere but even there it’s a marathon trek to get where I want to be.  It’s like like I’m having to fight to justify my being and happiness and fight I shall.

I’m tired of being alone, I’m tired of having a poor social life, I’m tired of having to keep it all within, to keep secrets from my family, tired of being demure when I just want to sing and dance about the things that make me happy (see previous bit), I’m tired of feeling disregarded and my opinions falling upon deaf’s ears, I’m tired of my folks not understanding me, I’m tired of my mother freaking out when I explain that I’m going to meet a female friend (a friend and no more than a friend), I’m tired of feeling shackled and stifled by my mother’s reactions or fear thereof when it comes to girls.

I’m tired of all the above, the beginning of the end was last weekend when I wrote down all the things that were bugging me.  My dad is now listening to me and listening to me clearly.  I feel like I’m going somewhere now.

It will end and I will become who I desire to be.